![]() He told me he would never tell his wife that he was having dinner with me. We ate and drank and spoke of our lives, me waxing poetic about my wonderful life, he complaining bitterly of having no time for himself. ![]() I didn’t think anything of the invitation and called my husband to tell him I was having dinner with Steven. I am one of those women who have many male friends. He taught me that I am beautiful (my husband used to say that I was “kind of attractive”), smart and sexy, and that I’m able to have an orgasm every time I have sex.Īfter an initial glance, Steven and I would stare at each other. (His son turned 5 three years ago Steven is still married.) I still love him. He was adamant that he wanted to stay until his youngest was 5. Steven needed to have an affair to stay in his marriage. I needed to feel: passion, hurt, happiness-any emotion at all. I was pretty sure that he would never have an affair.īut now, for the first time in years, I felt that I had options. I married him because I thought he was appropriate: handsome, a good friend, smart, Jewish, good in bed (no: really good in bed-initially, at least) and would never leave me. I’d had a breakthrough, a powerful, scary breakthrough-I realized that I was never in love with my husband. ![]() I had participated in a year of marriage counseling, in addition to weekly visits with my own therapist: Nothing was working. In my case, I had one foot out the door I would have never gotten involved if I hadn’t been 100 percent sure that my marriage was over. Below, I’ve listed what I see as The Rules for an Affair. But how do you actually do it? How does one pull it off? A few years ago, two women wrote a wildly popular, much-praised and much-vilified handbook for single women called The Rules. People cheat for three reasons: to transition out of a marriage to stay in a marriage or because they just can’t stay monogamous. That which was once primary now became secondary.
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